These events took place in Jacksonville, Florida in the year of, well, I'm not sure of the year but it was somewhere around the late sixties and the early seventies. I was new in the Navy and very brand new in Attack Squadron eighty six at Naval Air Station (NAS) Cecil Field. As the newest guy in the squadron I was, of course, assigned the lowest job available. That was running the coffee mess. For those unfamiliar with Navy terminology the "mess" was where coffee and soft drinks and goody snacks were available all day. (it wasn't really a mess, I kept it clean) My job was to keep the coffee made, available and drinkable. (well, as drinkable as possible) In the course of my day I saw, got acquainted with and made friends with most of the guys.
Most I liked immediately, some took some time to get to know. One character I remember, I don't remember his name, (and don't really want to) was, how do I put this gently, crass, uncouth, smart aleck and just generally abrasive. I dreaded to see him coming. I was at that time an E3 and He was an E6, quite a bit higher up. But I digress from my tale. One day I'd stocked some Ritz colas in the fridge. For those not familiar with Ritz cola, it was at the time the store brand of a major grocery chain and very cheap. They were about ninety percent fizz and ten percent something else. At any rate, that particular day I'd stocked the fridge full of them. As luck would have it, here came everyone's favorite guy. He'd already been by and gotten a ritz a couple of times, so I figured he'd want another. I removed one from the fridge to have it ready. Just before he got to me someone called his name and he turned around to talk to ever who it was. It was at that moment in time I had a flash of brilliance. As his back was turned I began vigorously shaking his ritz drink. I even dropped it on the deck a few times to get it good and agitatedly. As if on cue he turned and came to my counter and as I'd figured he ordered a ritz cola (which I gladly served). He tossed me the nickel for the drink and turned to walk outside from the hanger we were in. As he opened the door a lieutenant was coming into the hanger. The E6 stepped aside for the officer and as he waited for him to enter he popped the top on the now explosive can of cola. I bet you've guessed the rest. As the Lieutenant stepped inside, the cola sprayed it's entire contents on him from his head to his toes. Not much of the Lieutenant's uniform escaped complete saturation. Needless to say, both men were totally speechless for a moment. The E6 began by stuttering. The Lieutenant started out with a couple of expletives and it digressed from there. I on the other hand was quite speechless for awhile, not that the mirth of the situation escaped me. I just knew better than to let on I knew anything at all. I therefore put on my very best look of innocence. I should have gotten an Oscar for it. When news of the mishap traveled around the squadron I was congratulated by almost everyone, though I still maintained my innocence. (that was an act of self preservation) I later was remorseful. The E6 was later disabled from a mistake made by someone else on the flight deck, and was medically discharged from the Navy. The moral of this story is, if you ever have a chance to shake a ritz cola, shake and run. .......and so it went.......
2 comments:
Ahhh man that's good! I love reading the stuff here! Man I've done that before to Palmer but he knew it was me so I didn't get the full effect but that's really good.
I'll have to remember that.
BTW, aren't we still coming up later in the week? ;o)hee hee
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